like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
