he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
