we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
