I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize