a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
