That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
