Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if only i could text you this smell
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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