Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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