they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
