do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
