my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
