All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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