OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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