so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
