He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
