Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
