the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
