I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
