Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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