Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
