Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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