new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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