They should really pass out barf bags in church
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
