i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
