you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize