I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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