Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
