i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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