who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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