I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
