What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize