Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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