I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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