On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
