He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
