I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
