That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
