First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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