its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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