a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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