When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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