grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
