i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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