Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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