That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
