In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
