i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
