Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
