Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
