I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
