my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
