man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
