We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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