watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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