I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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