did you get engaged???
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize