ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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