I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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