I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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