i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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