I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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