Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
