Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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