his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
