Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
