A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
