Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
