Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
