You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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